Seriously though, when do I get a moment to breathe? Why is it that I always have to have the answers, right here, right now, all day every day. At this point I don’t even care if I am being selfish. My stress and anxiety levels are through the roof. I’m always the one they go to for the answers, but right now I don’t have them. When I was in your position, I had no one to turn to and I had to figure it out all on my own.. Just deal with your own shit. I love you, but I can’t, not right now. I can’t figure out my life, finish school, deal with this fucking problem, work, be comforting and put this fucking smile on and act like there isn’t anything wrong and that I’m fine. I’m not. Its at the point where I just need time to breathe. I need to be comforted for once, even though I don’t even know how that even feels. I don’t know. I don’t know what to fucking do anymore. I probably don’t even make sense..

I haven’t told anyone this yet, but my professor confronted me a couple weeks ago telling me that I should seek help, because she can tell that I’m probably struggling with some kind of learning disorder. I already fucking knew this, it’s been so obvious all throughout high school, but nobody ever did anything about it, and its not like I ever pushed for the help either. I don’t want special treatment. 
I know I should probably take her advice and go see someone, but part of me just can’t do it. I’ve seen all the shit they make you go through with my brother and I don’t want that. I don’t want to be a burden. And I don’t want special treatment.

I’m just so frustrated with everything. I’m tired of being the last resort. I’m tired of being the doormat. I’m tired of being dumb. I’m tired of people asking me if I hate them. I’m tired of people being so sensitive. I’m tired of having to explain my humor to people I don’t normally hang around. I’m tired of being broke. I’m tired of school. I’m tired of the weather. I’m tired of being fat. I’m tired of my dads stupid comments. I’m tired of my moms patients. I’m tired of ignorance. I’m tired of helping you. I’m tired of being your friend. I’m tired of how you treat him and how you treat yourself. I’m tired of listening to skinny girls talk about how fat they are. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of being reminded of the past, the present, and thinking about the future. I’m tired of waking up in the morning. I’m just so fucking tired. 

Give me a break. Please. Just this once.